The time has come, the lobster said, to talk of many things…
No, really I am done speaking in lyrics. It’s just that I’m one of those people that is terrible at saying goodbye. I feel all the feelings but I cannot seem to let a socially acceptable amount of them out. When I was a teenager I let too much out, and now I’m stone cold as I hug friends goodbye.
So, I make jokes and I speak in movie lines or song lyrics.
It is time to say goodbye to Prague, the life I lived in Prague, and the person I was there. I feel good about the time I have taken to reflect on both the positive and negative experiences I’ve had and lessons I’ve learned. And yes I have been angry and resentful about the less awesome aspects. In my last few posts I’ve been trying to sum up my experience and how it has changed me, but now it is time to say goodbye to the city, to who I was there, and especially to the last bits of resentment I feel.
Honestly, I’m digging deep for the courage to face this unblinking.
Ever since Cher and Di gave Tai auburn hair, mid-drift shirts and mini-skirts I have loved a good make-over and this move is the perfect chance for a mini life make-over!
Except this time, I’d makeover my soul. (See I thought I was done with the lines but this one snuck in and is just so apropos).
I spent my last few months in Prague alone, while Tom set up our new home, taking the time and solitude to identify a few aspects of my soul that needed some updating. Aside from my address and operating language, obviously.
As I’ve mentioned there were quite a lot of incredibly hard things about settling in and living in Prague and that left me with anxiety, depression, and anger. I’ve got a doctor for dealing with the first two, but I know that last one is up to me. I want and need to let go of that anger and approach this new situation with openness and positivity.
Another aspect in need of sprucing up is this blog. I want to transform this space to be more me and less what-are-other-bloggers-doing. It is easy for me to fall into a cycle of bad that begins with looking for inspiration and ends with me spending hours at ManRepeller and thinking I’ll never be as clever as those ladies and I should just give up now.
I’ll be working on making this blog my own space and and on ignoring all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘supposed-tos’ that run through my head. This will include a new name and a new design so for my dedicated readers – hi dad! – be on the lookout for exciting things!
And in closing this post I will close the Prague chapter of my life. I like the term ‘chapter’ because it suggests one part of a larger story and also suggests the ability to re-read and re-learn.
Goodbye Prague. Goodbye Prague Rachel.